Parents, Do You Encourage Your Kids?
By The Schoolmarm • Aug 21st, 2009 • Category: parenting
“I can’t do it,” he said, and threw his pencil down. “They say I’m stupid in math, I guess they’re right.” He turned his chair around.
With his back to me he began to cry. I closed my eyes, shook my head, and drew a deep sigh.
What could I say to this dear little boy? What hope could I impart? I thought to myself, learning shouldn’t break a child’s heart.
“You’re a good person Jessie, there’s not a better guy in this school. You are always kind and helpful and I’ve never seen you be cruel. You can kick the ball out of sight and you run like the wind. You can do many things, my young friend.”
He turned back around.
“Let’s take a look at your assignment together, let’s see what has you stumped.” He wiped away tears with the palm of his hands, his shoulders were a little less slumped.
“Come on,” I said, with a pat on his back. “Let’s get to work, okay?” He smiled when I promised , “You will conquer this crazy long division some day!”
When children get discouraged and feel like giving up, they need to be reminded of their positive attributes. Look for what they do well and stress those things. Build them up, don’t tear them down. Believe me, they already know when they are failing. They need to be told how much they are loved, and cherished, and that your love isn’t dependent on what they can do, but who they are.
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Hi
This happens to my son when he does his homework. He says he hates homework and gets very frustrated. I do say to him very close to what they say to say in the article above, but he does not seem to feel better. It was a very frustrating year last year, first grade homework was a lot, so I am realy worried about 2nd grade homework and we have spent a lot of time talking about it this summer. I reassure him that even if it seems difficult at first, we will work at it together and that it always take time, etc., but he still tells me he hates school because of the homework. I am just frustrated because I have no idea how to help him. He did great in first grade, so I know he will do great in 2nd. Do you have any other suggestions to help him deal with all this homework?
Thanks!
Carrie
Hi Carrie,
You said your son did great in first grade. Does that mean that he can do the homework but he just hates to do it? Is it the amount of work or the degree of difficulty that he hates? These questions need to be answered first, so I can address the problems more specifically. We want your little guy to have a great second grade and he needs to start the year in a positive light.
Mary Taylor, The Schoolmarm
For other writings (about life) by Mary Taylor, go to http://www.theschoolmarm.com
Hi
The first half of the year the homework was a little harder, but he could it. By the end of the year it was super easy and he breezed thru it. But, yes, he can do it, he just hates doing it. I hate that he is so unhappy about school starting. I feel so bad because he gets really frustrated about it. I try so hard to be patient and not get upset because he will yell, and cry. It’s just horrible. Anyway, we have been talking about it this summer and I explained to him that while I know he does not like it, that type of behavior is not acceptable. I also told him he can talk to me about it and I always sit with him and help him if he needs it. Maybe this year will be better, I guess I am just anticipating another year of stressfull after school times. Thanks, any help is always appreciated because I am sure there must be something more that I can do to help him with this. Carrie
Carrie, Maybe you need to start preparing him for the new school year by visiting the school in advance, walk around on the playground, talk about the fun times he had there, the friends he will see again, etc. You might also plan a play date with a friend from school or at least a telephone conversation to help him remember the ‘good times.’
As far as homework, I would suggest a couple of things: If he has three assignments, have him organize them by the one he hates to do the most to the not so hated. Start with the most disliked. When he has finished it give him a party horn to blow or bell to ring, have him run around the house and do a dance, something to celebrate that he has that one out of the way. Give him breaks every few minutes if needed, set a timer if necessary, and be available for help if he needs it. When he has completed all of his work, give him a check, sticker, happy face or some other marker on a chart for the week. At the end of the week, count all the happy faces and reward him with some treat. In other words, find a way to add pleasure to a least favorite task and it might become less disagreeable. Of course keeping in close contact with the teacher is always a good idea. Mary Taylor, the schoolmarm
I wrote an article ‘Homework Headache?’ which is listed under category: articles. It has book referrals listed that you might consider. If they are not for his age, then look for others at your local book store or Amazon.com.