credit:Raul_d50 Before they can verbally express their anger and frustration, very young children may express themselves by tossing toys, hitting, even biting. Ouch!

Yeah, you can't allow that. So, what do you do?

• If two children are having a conflict and it is getting physical, or you can see it is getting to that stage, then stop the action. Separate immediately.
• Help provide language for each to express his or her point of view. "Emma, you wanted the toy that Kimmy had but she wouldn't give it to you?" Kimmy: "I was playing with it. She grabbed it from me."
• Ask: "What would be a better way to get the toy instead of grabbing it away?" Discuss options, such as asking to play with the toy, sharing.
• Help the children to negotiate: "Do you think Emma could have the toy in five minutes?" "Will that be okay with you Kimmy?" Both must agree to the plan. Set a timer to give each equal time.
• Agree to be friends again with a pat on the back, a handshake, a hug, or a thumb's up.

Giving children the opportunity to express themselves, no matter how limited the language, and paraphrasing for them what they are trying to say, is telling them that they have been heard. Helping them to come up with a solution, a plan, teaches them that they can settle conflicts in a socially acceptable way, and that they can still be friends.

In time, the children in your care can learn to do this on their own, if you set a consistent and patient modeling of the technique.

The Schoolmarm